The Z Files
by DynoStretch
Summary: When Romani gets abducted by aliens, Link must go on a mission to find her. But can he do it before the moon crashes? Eh, how should I know?


DISCLAIMER: Okay, you know the drill. I don't own anything, please don't sue:O

_This fic is based off the sub-quest you have to do to protect the cows at Romani Ranch from... THEM... I'm not sure if they really are aliens from another planet, or if they're just ghost monsters. I'm just going to assume they're aliens. Enjoy!_

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The people of Clock Town where slowly taking to their business, too busy to notice the green clothed kid and the fairy appear in front of the door to the clock tower. The kid, who went by the name of Link, was covered in ash and dirt. He coughed out a poof of smoke and looked up at the angry fairy, named Tatl, above him.

"We are NEVER doing that again!" Tatl said, shaking off the soot on her body.

"Give me a break Tatl, that was my first time using a Powder Keg." Link replied, wiping off the ash with a cloth.

"Well anyway, where to now?" the fairy asked.

"Tael mentioned the ocean when he was talking about the guardians. Let's go to the ocean next." Link said.

"Okay, I doubt there's anything for you to blow up there." Tatl said with relief.

So the two of them left town and headed out to Termina Field. Link looked around and smiled, pleased to hear the old theme he was used to hearing in his other games.

"Come on Lunkhead," Tatl said to him using his nickname, "move it already!" Link sighed and followed Tatl. He kept thinking to himself in his head, _'At least she's not yelling "Hey" and "Listen" all the time...'_

Soon the two of them, after fending off a group of Leevers, made it to... a fence.

"Ah fork!" Link groaned as he looked at the fence. "I'm not going to be able to get over that. Nintendo never gave me the ability to jump properly!"

"What about that Roc's Feather you told me about?" Tatl asked.

"That was all a dream..." Link said sweatdropping. "I'm not going to be able to get a real one until Oracle of Season and Ages."

"Then how're we gonna get over this thing?" Tatl shouted, flying around like crazy, "It's your fault for being too damn short! If you had a horse we could easily jump over the stupid th-" Tatl shut up as she looked down at a very cross looking Link, remembering what she, Tael and Skull Kid did to him.

"Uh... never mind."

"Well now that you mention it, we DO have to find Epona... I wonder where she could be?" Link pondered. Tatl looked up and noticed a figure floating by on a balloon. She started flying circles around Link like crazy.

"Yo Link!" she said, "Tingle at four o' clock!"

"Okay Tatl, what should I do until then?" Link asked.

"No no!" Tatl said groaning, she somehow turned Link's head in Tingle's direction.

"Oooh! I love doing this!" Link said with glee as he pulled out his Hero's Bow. He then looked up, aimed and shot an arrow. The sound of Tingle screaming could be heard as Link and Tatl looked up with grossed out looks on their faces. Link slowly pulled out his ocarina and played the Song of Time, mindful to aim a bit higher next time...

When the two of them reached the same area again, they sure enough saw Tingle floating by. Link pulled out his bow and shot an arrow, popping the balloon. Tingle looked around in midair, then looked down. He freaked out and fell to the ground. Link and Tatl then ran over to the fairy-wannabe.

"What's this?" Tingle asked, "Green clothes... white fairy... Sir, could you, by chance, be a forest fairy?"

"Yeah..." Link said, tired of hearing this same thing over and over every time he needed a map.

"Oh my!" Tingle exclaimed, "My name is Tingle! I think I am the same as you, sir. A forest fairy! Alas, though I am already age 35, no fairy has come to me yet..."

Link and Tatl glanced at each other sweatdropping.

"My father tells me to grow up and act my age, but why?" Tingle continued, trying to get his message across to Link.  
"I tell you... Tingle is the very reincarnation of a fairy! Now while I stand here waiting for a fairy of my own, I sell maps to help out my father..."  
Tingle then broke into a skipping routine, which made Link scoot away a bit.

"Please Tingle..." Link said, "every time a guy skips... a part of every man dies..."

"Lucky! Lucky!" Tingle said, ignoring what Link said, "You're so lucky to have a fairy! I know! I know! We should be friends!"

"Gee, I don't really think that we sho-" Link said with a huge sweatdrop going down the back of his head.

"Yes! Yes! In exchange, I will sell you a map for cheap as a sign of my friendship. I just made a map of a new area I found called Romani's Ranch!"

"Romani's Ranch?" Link asked.

"That's the place the guy from the Milk Bar was talking about." Tatl said.

"Hmm... maybe that's where Epona ended up..." he said to Tatl. He turned to Tingle and said, "Okay, we'll take it."

"Great! That will be 20 rupees!" Tingle said happily. After Link paid off Tingle and got the map, Tingle threw some powdery dust into the air and he said with glee, "_Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah! ... _These are the magic words that Tingle created himself. Don't steal them!"

"Um... yeah." Link said as he and Tatl ran away, following the directions on the map.

Soon the two of them reached Milk Road, however though, they stood there shocked to see a giant boulder blocking the way to the ranch. A guy was standing in front of the boulder, whacking it with a pickax. Link ran over to him and looked up at the giant stone.

"What the hell happened here?" Link asked the guy, not taking his eyes off the rock.

"Someone put this huge boulder here to block off the milk deliveries for some reason. Punks." The guy said as he swung his ax at the rock again, but didn't make a dent.

"Do you think we can bomb it?" he asked the guy.

"No, I tried everything. Bombs, sledgehammers, laser guns, real Bombchus, rubber chickens... nothing seems to work!" he replied.

"Then... what makes you think a pickax will do it?" Tatl asked. The guy looked at the pickax and then to Link and Tatl.

"Because I haven't tried it before!" he said as he continued to whack the rock. Link and Tatl face faulted and sweatdropped.

"Well this is a fine kettle of fish..." Link said glumly.

"Yeah... where'd you find that anyway?" Tatl asked.

"I don't know." Link said as he threw away the kettle.

"Hmm... there's gotta be something tough enough to destroy the boulder..."

"Wait..." Link said, "I have an idea! We get a rubber chicken and... no wait... I got a better idea!"

Soon enough, Link and Tatl ran through Clock Town towards the Bomb Shop.

"Brilliant idea thinking to buy a Powder Keg from that Goron, Lunkhead!" Tatl said as Link ran past the clock tower to the west side of town. The two of them walked into the Bomb Shop and up to the sleeping Goron. Link poked him with a stick, making him wake up instantly.

"I'll take big heavy stone things for 100 Alex!" he looked around, then to Link. "Oh, hello. Did ya come to buy a Powder Keg? ...This is just between us, but I have a huge bomb that this shop doesn't even carry."

"Perfect, I'll take it." Link said grinning. He looked up at Tatl and winked.

"Oh! But my product is so heavy. I don't think you can carry it. I'm sorry I even brought it up..." the Goron said as he went back into a ball. Link and Tatl stood there sweatdropping, then face faulted again.

"Now what Mr. Genius?" Tatl said angrily. Link thought to himself and pulled out his Goron Mask.

"Oh crap..." Tatl said as he backed away a bit. Link slowly put on the mask. Energy started to flow through him and he screamed as the mask of the Goron fused itself to his face forcefully. When Link opened his eyes, he was in the form of Darmani the Goron warrior. He then poked the sleeping Goron again, making him wake up instantly.

"Oh! Of all places!" The Goron said as he rubbed his eye. "You're a Goron, so you should be able to carry a Powder Keg right? So, won't you buy a Powder Keg for 50 rupees?" Goron Link agreed and purchased the Powder Keg. Link held it up above his head triumphantly. However, in doing this, a nearby torch lit the fuse of it. Link, Tatl and the Goron all sweatdropped looking up at it.

"Who's bright idea was it to put torches in a bomb shop anyway?" Tatl yelled as she and Link ran out of the shop with the lit bomb in Link's hands.

Goron Link and Tatl ran at full speed across Termina Field as the fuse of the Powder Keg was slowly being burned away. A Skiploom was walking across the field being it's annoying little self. Then, it felt the ground rumbling and it turn to see Goron Link and Tatl. It freaked out and tried to get away, but Goron Link trampled it, reducing it to a gooey green smear.

Back at Milk Road, the guy with the pickax was still whacking away at the rock. He heard stomping in the distance and saw a Goron and a fairy running towards the boulder with a lit Powder Keg in his hands. The guys freaked out, ran over to a nearby owl statue and hid behind it.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Link yelled as he threw the keg at the boulder. He curled into a ball and rolled away just before the keg exploded, blowing the rock to bits.

"Uh... I guess that worked." the guy said as he ran off back to Clock Town to tell about the news.

"Well at any rate, now we can go to the ranch." Link said as he took off the mask, turning himself back to his kid self. He and Tatl ran into the place and looked around.

"Hmm... Epona's gotta be around somewhere..." He then heard the sound of a pony neighing. He looked ahead and noticed the barn across the field. He ran towards it, but in his haste he didn't notice a girl running around the field and crashed into her.  
"Oooow! That hurt!" the girl said. Link was the first to get up. He looked down at the girl and offered his hand to help her up. She accepted and took his hand.

"Eh, sorry about that miss..." He blinked and looked at her. "Malon?"

She indeed looked a lot like Malon. Her red hair, cute face, the dress and the familiar gold necklace with a certain spike shelled dragon turtle on it.

"Who's Malon?" she asked in confusion.

"Psst, Link." Tatl whispered to Link, "She's not Malon, remember how everyone in this world only look like the people from your world?"

"Oh right..." Link said. He then looked over at a horse stable by the house, he was shocked to find Epona there.

"Epona!" Link said as he ran over to the stable and looked through the bars at his faithful horse. The girl ran up beside him and giggled.

"Is this your horse? Some little forest kid with a creepy mask on gave it to us. You have it back if you want. She really likes this song, she comes over everytime Romani sings it." She cooed an all-too-familar tune to Link, Epona's Song. He pulled out his ocarina and mimicked the tune, making Epona come over to him. He pet Epona on the head, happy to finally get his horse back.

"Good to see you again girl. Here..." Link pulled out a taco and fed it to Epona, "And you'll get another after you help us reach Great Bay!"  
He then turned to the girl who had been watching this little scene.

"Thanks a lot for giving back my horse miss." he said.

"Oh, no problem, "she said happily, "By the way, I'm Romani. I was given the same name as the ranch. What's your name?"

"Link." Link responded.

"Link? That's a nice name but..."

"But...?"

"How about… Grasshopper? That's the name Romani gives you!"

Link sweatdropped.

"See, you're wearing green clothes, and you patter about when you walk, so Grasshopper it is!" she explained. Tatl was on the ground behind Link laughing like crazy. He sweatdropped, then kicked Tatl over the horizon. Link then noticed that Romani was holding a bow.

"Hey, what's the bow for?" he asked.

"To shoot things with." she replied.

"No, I mean what things?"

"Oh... you see, Romani was practicing… For tonight… Tonight…" Romani's face turned all scared, "THEY are coming…"

"Who's they?" Link asked.

"No, no, THEY! Grasshopper have to use caps to say it!"

"Okay, then... who's THEY?"

"They… They come at night… every year when the carnival approaches… They come riding in a bright shining ball. A whole lot of them come down… And then… They come to the barn… and steal our cows!"

"The cows?" Link asked while sweatdropping. "You mean monsters come here every year just to steal your cattle?" Romani nodded to Link's question.

"My older sister won't believe me… But Romani must protect the cows!" she said proudly.

"Okay then..." Link said, "So you're going to make monster-ka-bobs with the arrows. Nice idea."

"Hey, Grasshopper, I'm recruiting for an assistant right now!" she said tilting her head slightly and smiling. "You're a boy, won't you try?"

Link was about to say no, as he had some things more dire to take care of at the moment, but he looked at Romani again and blinked. She was giving Link her brightest smile, he was drawn into her eyes and nodded slightly.

"Great! Now that's the spirit Grasshopper!" Romani said giggling.

"Ok then, I'm going straight into my strategy! They'll appear all over the ranch… They'll aim for the barn and approach it slowly, so hit them with arrows so they can't get in! You got that? And you mustn't leave the ranch!" she explained.

"Okay, sure thing." Link said nodding.

"Grasshopper! Let's practice right away!" she said.

And so the two of them practiced on their archery skills by popping various balloons Romani had set up across the ranch. While they where practicing for a serious mission, they where having a hell of a lot of fun doing it. Halfway through the day, Tatl had managed to make it back to the ranch. She saw Link and Romani playing and decided not to interfere. Later on, Link and Romani walked back to the ranch house, both exhausted from their day.

"Okay, so now what Romani?" Link asked.

"Romani, dinner!" yelled her sister Cremia who bore a striking resemblance to Malon as an adult, "Your little friend can join us too if he wants." she then shut the door to get dinner on the table. Romani turned to Link and whispered.

"They run away at first light of the sun, so we'll have to keep fending them off until then! The operation starts tonight at two at the barn" she said. Link nodded and watched her run into the house. He was about to follow when Tatl flew down in front of Link.

"So Link, you're just going to forget about the mission? What about Tael and that big-ass moon overhead?" she yelled.

"Hey, chill out Tatl, I'm just going to help Romani with her problem. When the moon's about to hit I'll just warp us back again." Link explained.  
"Hm. Ya know... I saw you two playing today." she said.

"Good for you. Now out of the way, I'm hungry."

"Are you sure dinner's not the only reason you're going in?" Tatl said chuckling.

"What're you talking about?" Link asked.

"I saw the way you where looking at her, I think you like her!" she said teasingly. Link turned a bright red, then yelled to her, "No I don't!"  
"Uh huh... SURE..." she said, then flew under his hat. Link sweatdropped and walked into the house to join Cremia and Romani to dinner. Around 1:50 am, Link walked over to the barn to wait for Romani. Sure enough, she came over with a bow and a quiver of arrows.

"You ready Grasshopper? They'll be here any minute now." Romani asked. Link nodded.

"Bring em on."

Romani smiled at Link, then got her bow set up to fire an arrow at the first monster that would come.

Soon, a bright light shined in the sky, Link watched as a bunch of creatures beamed down from the light and roared. Link looked at the creatures oddly and sweatdropped.

"They look like big-headed fish wearing aprons..." he said.

"That's them! Let's get em!" Romani said as she started firing arrow and arrow at the creatures, knocking them away. Link nodded and starting firing arrows with accuracy and skill. Romani looked at Link fire his arrows and smiled.

_'He's so brave and nice... not to mention really cute...' she thought as a lone creature slowly snuck up towards Romani from behind..._

After a few arrows to the body, the creatures got the hint and beamed themselves up into the light. Link smirked at this.

"Yeah! Run you little purple monkey fish apron things! We kick yal' ass!" he said proudly as he turned his head to the side.

"We rule!" he said to nothing... nothing?

"Romani?" Link asked. He looked around not seeing her anywhere. "Romani! Where are you?"

"Grasshopper!" Romani yelled as Link looked up in the sky. A creature was being beamed up into the light with Romani in his clutches.

"No! Romani!" Link yelled as he ran after them. He leaped into the air and grabbed the creature by it's free arm. The monster looked at Link, then blasted him with powerful eye beams, knocking him to the ground. The creature shrieked in pain because on his way down, Link had pulled off it's arm. The creature and Romani where pulled up into the light, then it flew away.

The next morning, Link slowly woke up. He looked down at the arm he had pulled off the alien. He sighed, then looked up at the sky, only to see that scary eyed, red moon slowly coming closer towards the clock tower.

"Romani..." Link said to himself and hung his head down. "I failed her..."

Tatl flew out from under Link's hat and yawned.

"Hey Lunkhead, what'd I miss?" she asked. Link narrowed his eyes at her.

"What?" she asked defensively. Link explained the whole story to her.

"Is that all?" Tatl asked, "All you have to do is play the Song of Time, then we can try it again." Link sighed sadly. Tatl was right, it was his only choice. The sad thing was that Romani won't remember him when he played the song again. They formed quite a bond that day and he mentally begged that he would be able to pull it off again. He rummaged through his things but something was missing...

"Oh crap..." Link said.

"What oh crap? What do you mean oh crap? Oh crap is never good!" Tatl said flying around Link.

"The ocarina's gone!" Link said to her. The two of them turned pale as sweatdrops ran down their heads.

"How'd ya lose it?" Tatl said bonking Link upside the head with her fairy bat.

"I don't know! I-" then a theory struck his mind, "Oh great, one of the creatures must have made off with it!"

"Gah! We gotta find those monster things and get it back! We're not going to have enough time to save Termina without it!"

"And we have to save Romani too!" Link said with his fist clenched.

"Okay Lunkhead, we need a plan."

"Actually, we need to get help, then get a plan..."

And so Link and Tatl journeyed through Termina, looking for anyone that might know anything about the creatures and their glowing light. After being chased by mental institution doctors, old ladies, dogs, and mimes, Link and Tatl met in west Clock Town.

"Anything Tatl?" Link asked.

"Nothin." she replied. The two of them slumped down on the ground, looking up at the moon.

"It's almost 6 pm..." Tatl said, "Maybe we can somehow destroy the moon within 36 hours..."

"Yeah... and maybe black kittens will moo. (A/N: inside joke)" Link said sarcastically. He looked around, desperate to find someone he hadn't talked to yet. Finding no one, he laid back against the wall of the building they met at. A brick in the wall that was sticking out was pushed in by Link's back causing the wall to spin around.

Link and Tatl blinked and looked around. They where in a room full of people reading scrolls, talking with scientists, and wheeling dead Deku Babas and Leevers around on stretchers.

"Where the fork are we?" Link asked Tatl.

"I have no clue..." Tatl replied.

A man and woman came up to Link, both dressed in trench coats. The man had a big nose and black hair with a smirk on his face while the women had blonde hair and a serious expression.

"What do you think you're doing here?" the women asked in a angry tone.

"Look! Look! I told you!" the man said, pointing to Tatl, "I told you fairies exist!"

"...we've known that for quite some time now..." the women replied, then looked down at Link. "What's your name kid?"

"I'm Link. I'm sorry that I came here. I was looking for information and I accidentally moved that brick. I didn't know it was a secret passage." he explained.

"Do you think we can trust this kid to keep a secret?" the woman asked.

"Ah, give the kid a break. He looks alright." the man replied.

"Oh very well..." the woman said muttering, "you're in the headquarters of the TBI, the Terminian Bureau of Investigation. This is Agent Sculder, and I'm Agent Milly. We deal with solving unsolved mysteries an-"

"And investigate and prove the existence of alien life forms!" Sculder interrupted.

"For the last time, Aliens don't exist Sculder. They're simply Terminian monsters." Milly said.

"Well how do you explain that bright light we see every year?" Sculder asked.

"Have you ever heard of a thing called a lamp?" Milly asked back.

"Wait a minute, you know about the light?" Link asked Sculder.

"Yes, I've been trying to prove to Milly that aliens are coming from outer space and abducting animals every year, but she doesn't believe me." he said.

"Those so-called aliens are just monsters. They steal the animals to get an easy meal." Milly said.

"No, they're aliens!" Sculder, said to Milly, "the creatures that inhabit the areas around Romani Ranch are either not carnivorous or have any means of getting to the animals!" These arguments where driving Link nuts.

"I saw the aliens!" Link shouted to both of them. Sculder and Milly looked down.

"Where did you see them?" Sculder asked eagerly.

"Over at Romani Ranch last night. According to Romani, the aliens come every year to abduct the cattle. Me and Romani tired to fend them off, but one of them kidnapped Romani and stole my ocarina." he explained.

"See? What'd I tell you Milly? I told you we should have let the girl talk!" Sculder said to Milly.

"I don't believe a word of this..." Milly said flatly. Link was starting to feel sorry for Sculder, having to argue with Milly all the time. He just needed some proof that the aliens where real...

"Wait!" Link exclaimed as he pulled the arm of the creature out of his things and showed it to them. "This is an arm of one of the creatures!"  
Sculder yanked it out of Link's hand and examined it.

"What do you make of it Sculder?" Milly asked, astounded by what the kid had.

"There is no creature native to Termina that has an arm like this..." Sculder replied. He handed the arm to a scientist passing by.

"Take this to the lab immediately!" he said. The scientist nodded and ran off into another room. As they were waiting for the test results on the arm, Link, Sculder and Milly where having a drink of tea in the break room as Link discussed his quest.

"I knew that Skull Kid was trouble from the beginning... now he wants to wipe out everyone in the land with that moon." Milly said as she took a drink of her tea.

Then, the same scientist Sculder had given the arm to too came into the break room with a stone. He tossed the stone to Sculder and said, "Okay, the guys at the lab said that the arm was definitely not of this world. If you want to find these aliens, use this stone. It's a magical stone rubbed with the alien's DNA. It will chime when you're near the arm's owner..."

"...which will lead us straight to them, and Romani too." Link finished, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"Actually I was about to say I like pie... but yeah." the guy finished.

And so Link and Tatl, along with Sculder and Milly, set off in search of the aliens. The group walked through Termina Field with Link holding out the stone, waiting for it to glow.

"I knew this was a stupid idea." Milly said, "me and Sculder have to get back and do some REAL work."

"Just five more minutes Milly..." Sculder said, watching the stone like a hawk.

_4 minutes and 59 seconds later..._

"Bingo!" Link said, "It's glowing!"

"Damn." Milly groaned while sweatdropping.

The group slowly followed the signal as the stone glew brighter. Soon they reached some bushes. Link moved the bushes out of the way to see an impressive sight. It was a futuristic metallic flying saucer. Link, Tatl, Sculder and Milly gasped at it wide-eyed.

"...what the forking hell is that?" Tatl exclaimed.

"It looks like a huge dinner plate." Link answered.

"At last!" Sculder said, "The alien spaceship!"

"It can't be..." Milly said, "There's just no way..."

"Romani!" Link yelled running towards the spaceship and drawing his sword. Two of the aliens where in front of the ship looking at a map.

"I told you we should've stopped for gas back on Pioneer II!" one of the aliens said, "this world is too primate to even know what a car is!"

"Well what about you Mr. 'Let's take the scenic route' ?" the other alien retorted. The two of them heard the war cry of a kid and turned in it's direction. Link slashed at the two of them and then ran up the stairs leading up to the ship, running into the door. Sculder and Milly slowly walked up to the two aliens, covered with slash marks and twitching slightly. Tatl flew down and looked at the aliens as well.

"Does he always do this?" Milly asked Tatl.

"Nah, he's usually not this calm..." Tatl replied.

Link slowly walked down the hallway of the spaceship. He marveled at the structure of the ship. The metallic walls, the bright lights, the "Made in China" label, and the glowing laser gun aimed right at...

"Uh oh. That doesn't look good...!" Link said just as the laser gun fired. He quickly ducked down and rolled out of the way of the security laser beam, which was programmed to attack trespassers. Link ran down the hallway, avoiding the blasts of the laser and several more. He quickly rolled and turned around, pulling out his shield. The laser reflected off the shield and destroyed the laser guns.

"All right! I feel just like that guy from the Matrix! ... whatever that is." he said.

Link continued running down the hallway, turned a corner, froze, then ran back a bit. Two aliens where hovering down the hall holding laser pistols.

"Yeah, and then I says to Melba I says..." the alien stopped what he was saying and looked around. "Did you hear something?"

"No." the other alien replied.

"Oh, well anyway I says to Melba I says..." the alien continued as they floated past the hallway where Link was hiding. He took the corner and ran down it.

"Man, where the heck would Romani be...? I need some kind of clue as to where she is..." he pondered as he ran past a door with a sign on it that said, 'THE RANCH GIRL THAT WE ABDUCTED YESTERDAY IS IN HERE'. Link stopped and looked at the door.

"Oh."

He opened the door slowly, and saw Romani in a glass tube with a green liquid in it. He ran over to the tube and knocked on it.  
"Romani! Romani wake up!" Link yelled. Romani just floated there with her eyes closed.

"Oh crap... she can't be dead... She means so much to me..." he said softly, then sweatdropped and said, "Did I say that...?" He then flashbacked to the day they had yesterday. They practiced their aim, rode around on Epona, watched the dog races, chased around freaked out Cuccos, and ate pie.

_'Mmm... pie.' _he thought to himself, then shook it off. He looked around for some way to get Romani out of the glass tube. All he saw was just a bunch of multicolored buttons, some switches, and a big button that was labeled, 'PRESS TO OPEN GLASS TUBE'.

"Huh, that was easy..." He hit the button, causing the liquid to drain out of the glass tube. The tube opened and Romani fell out of it, but Link caught her. Unfortunately, he was too weak to lift her completely, and she fell on top of him.

"Gah! Medic!" Link yelled as he squirmed around trying to get out from under Romani. Regaining consciousness, Romani's big eyes slowly opened and came into focus, seeing Link face-to-face.

"Grasshopper!" she squealed as she hugged Link tightly, "Romani thought she'd never see you again!"

"Okay, okay!" Link said, "Please, not breathing is bad for Link!"

"Oh, sorry Grasshopper..." Romani said smiling and blushing at the same time.

The two looked into each other's eyes. Romani was having feeling she had never had before. Cremia had told Romani about when she had this same feeling, which she had when she first met the Mayor's son, Kafei. Romani never thought she'd ever feel this way. An urge was coming over her, making her want to bring her head closer to Link's. She slowly drew her lips towards Link's and he did the same. They were about to touch when the sound of an alien clearing his throat could be heard. The two of them looked up to see three aliens. The one in front had his tentacles folded.

"Just what the hell are you doing?" the alien asked.

"Um..." Link said, he looked at the alien, then up at Romani. "We're uh... juggling ducks?"

"Oh, why didn't you say so..." the alien then thought for a second then said, "Hey! Wait a minute!"

Link took this opportunity to his advantage, he leaped into the air and brought down his sword on the center alien, it split in half and both halves dissolved into dark flames. Link narrowed his eyes at the other two aliens, who sweatdropped and ran away, both screaming "Save me Jeebus!" Link sheathed his sword and turned to Romani.

"Come on," he said smiling, "let's get out of here." Romani nodded and smiled back.

Meanwhile in another part of the ship...

"I can't believe Lunkhead ditched us!" Tatl moaned as she flew around Sculder and Milly.

"See Milly? Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you?" Sculder bragged to the sweatdropping Milly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Milly replied.

mooooo...

The three of them stopped in their tracks.

"Did I just hear a cow?" Tatl asked.

"Sure sounded like it." Milly said.

moooo...

"It's coming from this door..." Sculder said, pointing to a nearby door. He slowly opened it, looked inside, and saw...

"No, it's just a tape recorder of a cow mooing." Milly said.

"Okay, let's try the next room." Tatl said as they went to the next door and opened it. Inside were a whole bunch of cows.

"These are the cows from Romani Ranch!" Tatl exclaimed.

"Right, let's get them out of this hunk of scrap metal and outside." Milly said. Sculder and Tatl looked at her oddly.

"How?" they both asked. Milly stood there blinking.

"...I have no clue at all..." she said as Tatl and Sculder face faulted.

Meanwhile, Link and Romani where running down a hallway. The red alert had gone off, and troops all over the spaceship were on Link and Romani's butts with laser guns. Link was able to depatch of quite a few of them with his sword, but their numbers advised him to just run. Soon they had reached the doorway.

_'No problem...' Link thought, 'I'll get Romani out of the ship, then go after the Ocarina. Nothing can go...'_

Then the door to the ship closed suddenly, causing Link to crash into it.

_'...wrong.'_

"Grasshopper, are you okay?" Romani asked the elven boy. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing her beautiful blue eyes.

"Just... fine..." Link said smiling slightly. However, things where not all fine when a hatch opened underneath Link and Romani, sending them flying down a trap hole...

When Link woke up, he was in a huge stadium. Several of the aliens where in seats, looking down at Link. Link quickly surveyed the area.

"W-where am I? And where's Romani?" he asked himself. He took another look around and thought to himself, _'Man this ship is a lot bigger then it looked outside...'_

A huge intercom came from the ceiling and boomed a voice loudly.

"COME ONE COME ALL! WATCH THIS PUNY LITTLE EARTHLING FALL TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF OUR MOST POWERFUL WEAPON!" it shouted.

"Oh quit with your stupid caps lock! Where's Romani?" Link shouted back.

"THE EARTHLING GIRL IS WITH US, IF YOU SOMEHOW MANAGE TO DEFEAT OUR WEAPON, WE'LL GIVE HER BACK AND THIS SHINY BLUE THING WE FOUND..."

"The Ocarina of Time..." Link said quietly.

"BUT! IF YOU CAN'T BEAT IT... WELL... YOU GO DIE DIE! NOW BRING ON THE SECRET WEAPON!"

The crowd cheered as a door on the opposite side of the stadium opened slowly. Link withdrew his sword and shield and stood firm, ready to fight whatever came out. The ground started to shake as two menacing glowing eyes appeared from the darkness of the doorway. The eyes came closer and closer to the outside, then finally, the owner of the two eyes emerged from it.

Link was shocked seeing the alien's powerful weapon, a giant robot. It was shaped similar to a tank. It had a dome on it's head, it's left arm had a robotic hand while the other had a laser gun mounted on it. The most notable feature about the tank was that it had three large glass domes on it's body. From left to right, the domes had pictures of a lemon, a 7, and a rupee.

"...what kind of monster is this...?" Link wondered, being a person that had never seen a robot before.

**SLOT TANK**  
Giant Robotic Casino Machine

" LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!"

"Initiating Battle Program..." Slot Tank said, scanning Link's body, "Target Acquired. Activate Slot Roulette." The Slot Tank pulled down his laser arm with the arm that had a hand. The glass domes on his body started to rotate various pictures at a rapid pace. When the pictures stopped, they displayed three aliens on it. Some confetti shot out of a pipe on the robot's back as little light things flashed on and off and a fanfare played.

"Attack Confirmed..." the Slot Tank said as it raised up it's laser arm towards Link, "Target In Range. Plasma Laser Blast!"

The Slot Tank fired off several rounds of plasma energy at Link, who ducked and rolled out of the way. Link ran at Slot Tank and leaped int air with his sword above his head.

"Die by metal sword thing!" Link shouted as he brought his sword down on Slot Tank. His sword bounced off Slot Tank's armor however, and Link fell to the ground on his back.

"Fork! His hide is too tough to be pierced with my sword..." Link said while getting up.

"Activate Slot Roulette." The Slot Tank pulled down his laser arm with the arm that had a hand. The glass domes on his body started to rotate various pictures at a rapid pace. When the pictures stopped, they displayed three bombs. Some confetti shot out of a pipe on the robot's back as little light things flashed on and off and a fanfare played.

"Attack Confirmed..." the Slot Tank said as the dome on his head opened up. "Nitro Shower!" A party ball launched into the air. It hovered there a few seconds, then opened up causing bombs to fall out of it.

"Argh!" Link yelled as he ran around the place dodging the bombs. The last bomb that came down fell right in front of Link, blasting him backwards and onto his back. He struggled and slowly got up.

"Activate Slot Roulette." The Slot Tank pulled down his laser arm with the arm that had a hand. The glass domes on his body started to rotate various pictures at a rapid pace. When the pictures stopped, they displayed three aliens on it. Some confetti shot out of a pipe on the robot's back as little light things flashed on and off and a fanfare played.

"Attack Confirmed..." the Slot Tank said as it raised up it's laser arm towards Link, "Target In Range. Plasma Laser Blast!"

The Slot Tank fired off several rounds of plasma energy at Link, who leaped into the air to dodge the first blast and started running along the ground trying to avoid the lasers.

"If there's no way to dent him... then how am I going to destroy him?" Link said to himself as he looked around the arena, trying to find something to use to his advantage. He then noticed something and stopped in his tracks in front of it.

"...a Deku flower launcher?" Link said looking down at it, "Why would there be something like this be here?" He shrugged and looked back up at the Slot Tank.

"Activate Slot Roulette." The Slot Tank pulled down his laser arm with the arm that had a hand. The glass domes on his body started to rotate various pictures at a rapid pace. When the pictures stopped, they displayed three bombs. Some confetti shot out of a pipe on the robot's back as little light things flashed on and off and a fanfare played.

"Attack Confirmed..." the Slot Tank said as the dome on his head opened up. "Nitro Shower!" A party ball launched into the air. It hovered there a few seconds, then opened up causing bombs to fall out of it. Link had an idea. He quickly put on his Deku mask and changed into Deku Link. He dove into the flower launcher, avoiding the blasts of the bombs by doing so.

_'Hmm...' _he thought to himself, 'I wonder what would happen if that thing tried to release bombs when it's dome wouldn't open...' He shot into the air and pulled out two flowers. Using them like helicopter blades, he slowly moved towards the Slot Tank's head. Slot Tank waved his arms trying to knock Link down, but he weaved and dodged every swipe. When he landed on the Slot Tank's head, he ran up to the dome that released the bombs. He quickly changed from Deku Link to Darmani the Goron. Raising his mighty fist into the air, he swung it down on the dome of the Slot Tank. The force of the punch caused the dome to fall into the inside of the robot's head.

"Activate Slot Roulette." The Slot Tank pulled down his laser arm with the arm that had a hand. The glass domes on his body started to rotate various pictures at a rapid pace. When the pictures stopped, they displayed three bombs. Some confetti shot out of a pipe on the robot's back as little light things flashed on and off and a fanfare played.

"Attack Confirmed..." the Slot Tank said, "Nitro Shower!" However, the dome was stuck down in Slot Tank's head, blocking the party ball from coming out. He started to spark and shake a little.

"Error, error." Slot Tank said, "Unable to release party ball thing! Chance of self-desctruction: 99.99" The robot starting shaking like crazy as his right arm blew off. Goron Link sweatdropped and rolled off of Slot Tank's head.

"Now to finish it off!" Goron Link yelled as he sprinted at the tank, leapt into the air and curled into a ball. The ball spun incredibly fast and banged into the tank, causing it to fly into a wall. The Slot Tank hit the wall and fell on it's back. Unable to release the bombs, the robot exploded. Sending shrapnel and stuff everywhere. Goron Link took off his mask and changed back to normal Link. He looked up at the crowds and narrowed his eyes. They all looked at Link with fear.

"... ... ... MOOSE!" Link said suddenly, making the aliens scream like girls and run out of the stadium. Link then looked up at the announcer booth.

"Okay, I beat your stupid metal tank thing!" he said, "Now release Romani and give back my Ocarina!"

"UM..." the announcer said, "...NO!"

"No? What do you mean no?" Link asked.

"WELL... WE... WE NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO BEAT SLOT TANK... SO... WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO." he replied.

"Listen buddy if you don't let Romani go I'll... uh... tell ... everyone you know about... the... armadillo incident!" Link yelled.

"NO! NOT THE ARMADILLO INCIDENT! I'LL GIVE THE GIRL AND BLUE THING BACK... JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE!" the announcer yelled as he pushed a button, causing Romani and the ocarina to teleport in front of Link. Romani instantly hugged Link tightly.

"You saved Romani again Grasshopper!" she squealed.

"Okay... now let's get out of here." Link said. Romani nodded and the two of them ran through the Exit door that had opened up upon Link defeating the Slot Tank.

"Say, what was that whole armadillo thing about?" she asked.

"I don't know. I was just thinking up of something. I didn't think that would work." he replied. Soon enough, the two of them escaped the ship and out to Termina Field. They looked around and saw Sculder, Milly and Tatl with all the cows.

"Hey guys! I see you found the cows." Link said.

"Right, now let's get out of here." Milly said.

"Hey, wait a minute..." Romani said, "How did you move the cows? They're very stubborn and weigh a ton." Sculder, Milly and Tatl all looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

"We have no idea." they all said. Then, a group of aliens ran out of the ship, each of them with laser guns.

"All right kid, time to fry!" the head one said as they aimed at the good guys. Romani freaked out and jumped into Link's arms in fear of the guns. Then, something in the sky started to form.

"Huh? What's that?" Tatl asked.

The object in the sky was some strange multi-colored spirally thing. It grew bigger and bigger as everyone looked up at it. Then, everyone started to lose their footing.

"It's... trying to suck us in!" Sculder said.

"Oh no... it can't be..." Link said to no one in particular.

"What is it Grasshopper?" Romani asked.

"All the strange and confusing occurrences that happened in this story... the dead give away signs that guided me through the ship... the armadillo thing... how Sculder, Milly and Tatl got the cows out... it's formed a PLOT HOLE!"

Everyone screamed as the plot hole starting growing bigger. The spaceship, unable to stay on the ground, was pulled into the air and sucked into the plot hole. Sculder and Milly grabbed onto a tree and held it firmly, while Link tied a string to an arrow and shot it at the tree, using it to hold onto. Romani kept her arms wrapped around Link's waist as the plot hole sucked in rocks and weak plants. The aliens that had attacked the group, unable to grab anything to save themselves, where sucked into the plot hole as well.

"Hold on everyone!" Link yelled as the plot hole continued to suck in stuff. Romani dug her face into Link's tunic, scared out of her life.  
Soon enough however, the plot hole disappeared. The night was calm once again. Link looked to Tatl, Sculder and Milly, who all breathed out a sigh of relief. He looked down and saw Romani still hugging Link around the waist. He turned a bright red seeing this.

"Hey, Romani... you can let go now... it's safe." Link said softly.

"Romani doesn't want too..." she said pouting. Link sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, patting her back at the same time.

"Let's go back to the ranch." he said.

Soon enough, after getting the cows back to the barn, (don't try to think about how they got the cows back in, we don't want to make another plot hole!) Link and Tatl watched as Romani ran into her sister's arms and hugged her.

"Romani! There you are! I was so worried about you..." Cremia said.

"Romani was scared sister..." Romani said almost crying, "But then Grasshopper rescued me!" she said with a big smile on her face. Cremia walked over to Link and looked down at him.

"Thank you for saving my sister... I don't know what I would do without her." Cremia said.

"No problem Malo- erm, Miss Cremia." Link said rubbing the back of his and sporting an innocent grin. Cremia smiled and kissed Link on the forehead, then walked back to the house. Romani shot a death glare at her sister from behind her back, but turned all happy again when Cremia turned to her.

"Come on Romani," Cremia said, "Let's get you to bed." Romani looked over at Link, then to her sister.

"Okay sister, just a minute!" she said, running over to Link. Cremia nodded, smiled and walked into the house.

"Grasshopper... Romani wants to thank you again for saving her and the cows." Romani said as she wrapped her arms behind her back.

"Hey... it's no biggie..." Link said. Romani smiled softly and kissed him on the cheek. Link's eyes bulged out as his face turned a bright red. Neither of them noticed it, but the Ocarina of Time let off a slight glow when that happened. The two of them looked at each other, not saying a word, until Tatl flew between them.

"Comon Lunkhead! We gotta get going!" Tatl yelled.

"Well Romani... good bye." Link said.

"Good bye... little hero..." Romani said and ran over to the house. Before she went through the door, she turned, looked at Link again, smiled once more, and then walked in. Link stood there blankly, looking at the house. Tatl was getting annoyed by this and whacked Link with her fairy bat.

"Ow!" Link said rubbing his head.

"Comon Lunkhead!" Tatl shouted, "Move it or lose it!"

"Okay, okay..." Link said as he pulled out his Ocarina. He looked back up at the house and sighed.

"...what's wrong Lunkhead?" Tatl asked.

"You know Tatl... when we go back in time... Romani's not going to remember me... everything that happened these past few days will have never happened..." he answered with his left eye starting to form a tear.

"Link..." Tatl said watching the tear.

"As much as I like her..." Link said, "we have to go back so we can save this world..." He slowly brought the ocarina to his lips and started playing the Song of Time.

Link landed down to the ground and looked up into the sky. He watched as the giant menacing moon started to break up, then explode. People all around the area cheered as the pieces disintegrated into dust. Link let out a sigh of relief.

"Man, that was freakiest final boss I've ever battled." Link said.

"Yeah, if I had to see him do the Macerena one more time..." Tatl said.

Shortly after his meeting with Skull Kid and the mask seller guy thing, Link rode off on Epona to bid farewell to the people. Tatl sighed and pouted.

"What's wrong sis?" Tael asked.

"I ain't going to be any other Zelda games!" Tatl whined as Tael and Skull Kid sweatdropped.

It was almost time for Link to take off. After performing a concert at Zora Hall, doing one last Goron race, attending the s'more eat-off contest at Clock Town, and going to see Kafei and Anju's wedding, Link had one more errand to do...

Link walked into Romani Ranch and looked around. He saw Cremia milking a cow, the Cucco guy chasing after a stray Cucco, and HER...

Romani was busy shooting arrows at the ghost balloons. Watching her do this brought back so many memories to Link... all of which didn't exist in her mind now... Link decided he'd just walk up to her, tell her the boulder's been cleared, and then he'd leave. He had to see her sweet, cute face one more time before he left. He slowly walked up to Romani and poked her back.

"Um... Excuse me miss?" Link asked as Romani turned around. Link stared into her eyes as he said, "T-the boulder that was blocking Milk Road is gone, so you and your sister ca-"

"GRASSHOPPER!" Romani squealed as she tackled Link.

"Ack! Save meh Jeebus!" Link yelled as Romani practically squeezed the life force out of Link.

"Romani missed you so much Grasshopper!" she said in her typical third-person style. Link thought to himself and his eyes widened.

"Wait a minute, you remember me?" Link asked.

"Yeah, of course Grasshopper!" Romani said, "It's been weird ever since we got away from the aliens... it seems like every time the moon about to hit Clock Town, Romani blanks out, falls through a hole full of clocky things, and when Romani wakes up, it's three days ago!"

_'I don't believe it...' _Link thought, _'something must have happened to Romani which makes her travel back in time when I do... Tatl did mention my ocarina glew when Romani kissed me... maybe that had something to do with it... Oh well, plot contrivance.'_

"Well, it doesn't matter now Romani... the moon's gone and you don't have to worry about that anymore." Link said.

"Grasshopper..." Romani said softly as she pressed her lips against Link's. As the two of them stayed like that, the Cucco guy ran by chasing the Cucco several times, then he ran by being chased by many Cuccos. Link and Romani separated and got up, dusting each other off.

"Woah... that... was interesting..." Link said blushing, "But what was the tongue for?"

"Dunno. Sister told Romani to do that with her first kiss."

That night, the two of them sat on the roof of the barn, looking up at the stars in the sky.

"Grasshopper..." Romani started.

"Yeah Romani?" Link asked.

"Will you stay here at the ranch with us? Romani missed you so much after you left that night... and Romani doesn't want to miss you again."  
Link sat there thinking. Was he really going to stay here in Termina? He looked into Romani's eyes and nodded.

"Of course I will Romani-chan." Link said smiling, which resulted in a glomp.

"It's kind of funny though..." Link said as the two of them got up, "I came here to recover Epona and my ocarina, and yet I can't even remember why I went into those woods in the first place..."

Meanwhile, in a dark dungeon hidden deep in the Lost Woods, there was a locked treasure chest guarded by Moblins. Inside the chest, the sound of Navi the fairy could be heard.

"Hey! Hey! Link! Link, get me outa here! Listen! Someone help meh! HEY!" she yelled. The Moblin on the left turned to his comrade and sighed.

"You know, she's really starting to get on my nerves." he said.

---

_Alright, there you go! I hope you enjoyed this crazy little thing I thought up. If you did, I'd appreciate it if you sent in a review using that little pop up review thingie down in the lower left corner of this page. Well, I gotta go get started on my next fic, which is going to revolve around the Kafei/Anju subquest. Cheers!_

**Quote of The Day:**  
**"Ah! Uh, uh, uh, umm, umm... What is this?"**  
**"I have delivered this to you!"**  
**"Ah! Wait! This letter, wh-where did you?"**  
**"From the postbox."**  
**"Th-that's not what I mean! From the postbox where?"**  
**"From the postbox somewhere."**  
**"That's not what I meant!" Anju and the Postman**


End file.
